my life

Today I decided to have an all-Japanese breakfast. As I couldn’t read the writing I looked at the pictures, pointed to something with an egg on the top and said ‘ichi’, which means ‘one’ … a bit rude I know, but I’ve yet to find out the word for ‘please’. I’m going to make it a priority though. When my breakfast arrived it was a crazy thing to look at, let alone to put into my mouth. Tiny dried silver fish (about 1cm long) on a plate with some pickled stuff, green and cream things with noodles all in salty water; topped off with an almost raw ‘fried’ egg. I moved the egg to one side, not wanting to make that salmonella mistake I made in Portugal again, and started to tuck in.

Feeling guilty as a result of yesterday's behaviour, I knew it was about time I had a proper breakfast

It tasted quite good actually – that was until the lady saw me using the chopsticks for a liquid-based meal and rushed me over a spoon. A spoon in my hand would have done; but she started to mix everything in my bowl into one mush – including the uncooked egg. Shit. Oh well, if I get ill, then I get ill.

How are you at navigating around London’s tube network? It used to scare me, until I stayed there for a while and got my head around it. Tokyo’s underground is a little harder though, being all in Japanese. They have tried to make it a tiny bit easier by having colour-coded lines and numbered stations. I bought a day pass and off I went.

<geekbit>

I have been looking for a new compact camera for a while now. The last one I bought was a nice little Canon Ixus back in 2004 – that was 5 years ago and things move on so quickly so I decided I was due for an upgrade (yes, that’s right Gadget Gav has a piece of technology that is 5 years old!) … I decided to look for something a bit more rugged than your average camera and stumbled on a review for Canon’s new PowerShot D10. Smash-proof, water-proof and freeze-proof. Perfect for skiing, diving and going on beaches… in the rain. But the camera is not out until May – except in Japan where it came out today! It comes with loads of extra stuff that you don’t get when you buy it in the UK too. All sorts of straps, carabiners and an 8gb memory card. I bought it. Anyway, enough, if you’re not asleep already, please read on… no more technology waffle, I promise.

</geekbit>

The Tokyo Metro system: tricky

I found it very difficult, but when I finally left the biggest technology shop in the world… ever, I had quite a crazy experience. I passed a lady who was raising money for charity, and dropped a few of my coins into her box (this isn’t a euphemism, this actually happened). She started to tell me what it was for, in Japanese. I gave her that look only a confused puppy dog or a foreigner could get away with and she quickly switched to very broken English, telling me about some folk who’d been beheaded; so at least I know my money was going to a good cause. I’ve always said there were too many people on this planet.

Anyway, we got chatting and she told me there was going to be singing and dancing in a little place called Ginga Joy. In true Danny Wallace style I decided to go. Get to see a bit of real Japan rather than the usual tourist areas. She wrote down the details and I said I’d meet her at the place. Later in the evening, 3 trains and 1 useless (but persevering) taxi driver later and I was there – in what looked like a church hall. I think I may have been conned into something religious here. They’re always doing that to me, those types.

I wasn’t allowed in to the actual show as it was nearly finished by the time I got there, but instead was lead to a TV screen downstairs showing my new friend, Kawakami, performing on the mic.

The most gruesome burger meal in the whole world. If this is the enticing picture, imagine buying the dirty thing!

The show finished and as soon as it had, word must have gotten to her that I had come to see her. She came running into the room saying ‘sorry, sorry, sorry’ and there was me thinking, ‘shit it’s my fault for not getting there early enough’. To cut a long story short, I had a cup of tea with her while we chatted some more, then she coaxed me into meeting her tomorrow to teach some English dancing to her and her pals. I agreed and got out of there as soon as I could. I’m sat here thinking I might go though; you never know unless you do. I’m thinking of my routines now. Hmmm, English dancing… I must remember to dig out that handbag!

I was up at 6am this morning… not on purpose mind, just woke up with a start – even though I’d forced myself to stay up until 2am to stave off jet lag. Seems jet lag will always win in the end.

Making an offering to the Buddha at the temple, moments before wafting the smoke into my face and saying a prayer

I did a bad thing too: whilst out last night I noticed there was a Denny’s about 15 minutes’ walk away and decided to go there for some grease. I know, I know, I should be trying to local cuisine but I haven’t had a Denny’s since my days of living in Colorado and turning into a fat man… I was going to give in and go once while I’m here so I might as well just make that time now. The breakfast was a bit disappointing. A tiny, thin greasy sausage and some scrambled egg, then a bit of lettuce with some mary rose sauce on it. The waitress more than made up for it though; she was so happy to be serving me I swear she actually wet herself. I can honestly say that I have never been bowed to and thanked so much by a complete stranger – and she wasn’t doing it for tips either, as nobody tips in Japan.

I had an epiphany right there and then in Denny’s whilst looking at a small fly on the window. I won’t go into it now, but I must remember that it was Denny’s in Tokyo where and when I realised the true nature of our existence

I went for a walk as it’s a nice sunny day again today, passing all sorts of shops selling everything you could ever think of that you would never, ever need. Tokyo is full of places like that. One shop sold tiny tiny puppies in bright pink cages; I felt so sorry for them yelping away and ripping up their little blankets. I hope someone buys them soon; better still I hope nobody buys them and trade for this cruelty dries up.

I went to visit a Buddhist temple today. It was very busy and this was the first time I saw a few Western-looking folk (apart from a couple in my hotel). It was quite funny to look down a packed street and see the odd blonde-haired person towering above the rest. I’d like to say I was one of them, but I blend in quite well with the locals!

Burning josticks - I don't know what it was about them which made me think of the Third Reich

Whilst at the temple I lit a bunch of incense sticks and said a few prayers whilst bathing in the smoke. Everyone else was doing it, so I copied them. It was lovely and peaceful even though there were lots of people there. In fact, from what I’ve seen of Tokyo so far, the whole place has the feel of a minute’s silence at a football game; shit loads of people and not much noise at all.

I did another bad thing today: I went to McDonalds. Yep, two American fast food joints in a day. I’m writing this, and I genuinely feel like crap. The saying, you are what you eat is so true it’s not funny. They had an advert for a Japanese cheesy thing and my will power is quite frankly shocking. This wasn’t an ordinary McDonalds though – this was McDonals, Japanese style! Toilets with buttons which spray your bum, classical music playing in the background; not to drown out the noise of screaming kids, but instead to give us all a break from the silence.

I really hope that my visit to the Buddhist temple counter balances the Denny’s and the McDonalds!

When I was flying into Japan, the first thing I noticed was that it was sunny. Having checked the weather the other day I was glad, as the BBC had predicted rain, and having been in winter for what seems like forever I am happy for any amount of sun I can get. I also noticed the formation of the landscape; it was either dead flat or what can only be described as ‘wrinkled’ like the face of an aging pug.

As we were approaching the city of Tokyo, the captain announced that if we looked to our right we could see glorious Mount Fuji in the sun. I was on the left. Never mind, I might get the change to go there. I’d like that. What I could see from my window was plenty of roofs painted blue, and if you squinted (or your eyes weren’t the best) then they looked like everyone had or lived in thousands of swimming pools. What I also noticed is that they drive on the left like us. I didn’t know this but was relieved. Not that I’ll be doing any driving here, but it’s always nice to look the right way when crossing the road. I’ve been caught out a few times in the States!

Believe it or not, this is actually just a launderette - one with a few special offers it seems

After the sad film (which was good, I’d recommend seeing it) and some sporadic sleep, got out my Guide to Tokyo book which was kindly given to me by Broady’s Mum – Thanks Julie! One of the things I read was that Tokyo (and indeed Japan) has one of the lowest crime rates in the world; practically zero. And that there’s one rule for tipping: they don’t and you shouldn’t either. Ace!

When I got to my hotel (which is tiny!) I decided to have an hour’s kip. This turned into 6 hours kip, but i didn’t want to get into that jet-lagged routine so decided to get a shower and go out to explore. A few things I noticed about Tokyo: it is so clean here, the people are so friendly and I feel so safe walking down the street. There’s no feeling of unease you sometimes get in foreign capital cities (and indeed our own), it just feels to safe. Bikes are left unlocked, expensive looking plant pots with amazing plants line the streets and if you look at anyone they generally smile at you. It’s very nice.

I went to a bar which proudly proclaimed “Of course we have Guinness so let’s enjoy with us!” and had some plum-based Japanese wine (when in Rome). Sweet but tasty. I’m now back at the hotel (after getting lost for an hour) and I think it’s about time for bed. Hopefully I will wake up at a reasonable hour and that’ll be the end of the jet lag; before it’s even begun.

I’m writing this on the plane; taking a little break from watching the Curious Case of Benjamin Button. It’s a good film, what I’ve seen of it so far. I feel like an emotional wreck right now. Right at the beginning of the film there is an old lady dying from what appears to be cancer. Her daughter is sat on the bed reading her diary. After saying goodbye to so many people in such a short space of time I started fighting back the tears when that bit was on. Actually just writing this is making me feel emotional. It’s not so much the film itself, although that part is particularly sad. It’s the fact that I have just spent most of my time lately saying goodbye to the people I love the most.

It might have something to do with the 3 double whisky and ‘Virgin’ colas I’ve just had, but the world seems to have shifted on its axis ever so slightly for me; and I’m sat here wondering what I’m about to do and why. I was so adamant about leaving the UK for the last few years, I just got it into my head that I just had to go. But saying goodbye to so many amazing people has got me thinking how lucky I really am. I have an amazing family and some fantastic friends, and having spent some time with a lot of them during the past weeks and months has got me wondering why I’m moving to a place where I know nobody. I could cry at anything right now – pathetic huh!

Japan (where I’m going to be for a week) is 8 hours ahead of us and it’s 2am there now so I best finish off watching this film so I don’t feel too jet-lagged whilst I’m over there. I’m going to press that call bell one more time though; I still can’t get over the novelty of getting whisky and Virgin colas delivered to me by beautiful Japanese ladies. For free.